


Comfort and Joy

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, F/M, Family, Holidays, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But he always wanted her to know if there was no other safe place in the world, this big old house with all of its strange inhabitants and visitors would be the one place that Ashley could be Ashley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort and Joy

The yellow and black Mustang roared up the driveway and stopped. Ashley Seaver and her friend got out and looked around. The area was peaceful, it was always peaceful. A dog came running around the corner, barking happily. Ashley got down on her haunches to greet him.

“Hey Mudge! C'mere dude.”

The dog almost knocked her over as he licked her face. Her friend, Olivia Hopkins, came around the car and smiled. She reached to pet the dog too. He had a gigantic head.

“How you doing bud?” Ashley asked. “You're looking good, are they treating you good around here?”

The dog just barked and licked, happy to see her. Standing up, Ashley petted his head once more before going to the trunk of the car. She grabbed two big duffle bags and the girls went up the steps and onto the wraparound porch of the large Victorian house. The door was unlocked so Ashley just walked in with the dog in tow. 

Home was never going to change. It was big and warm and always welcoming. Right now it smelled of Christmas; pine needles, cookies, and surely a roast bigger than her head. Ashley put her bag down as she inhaled. Then she hollered.

“Your favorite child is home! Who's coming to greet me?”

An attractive blonde boy came out of the dining room. He was wearing a huge grin as she rushed to Ashley and pulled her into a hug. Ashley kissed his cheek.

“It’s so good to see you.” she said.

“You're looking good kid.” He said.

“Who are you calling kid? I'm like five months older than you are.”

“But I'm cuter…it’s a known fact.”

“You wish.” Ashley laughed. Then she looked at her friend. “Olivia Hopkins, this is my baby brother Edward. We call him Ted and one of his many claims to fame is the weekend he sang lead for an INXS cover band.”

“I got two standing ovations and two encores.” He pointed to his shirt. The words Need You Tonight: An INXS Experience was written on it. “They wanted me to drop out of college and hit the road with them. They’re huge in Vegas and in Scandinavia.”

“That sounds really interesting.” Olivia smiled as she shook Ted’s hand. “I've heard a lot about you.”

“Well I've heard nothing about you. We’ll definitely have to change that.”

“Where is everyone?” Ashley asked.

“Spencer and I are playing wizard’s chess in the dining room. Nora’s around here somewhere and so is Dave. Mom and Nan went out for last minutes groceries and stuff. She took Noah with her, which was probably the worst idea ever. At least it was for her…he's sure to get some extra Christmas gifts out of the deal. C'mon in the dining room.”

The three of them walked in and Spencer looked up from the chessboard.

“I'm gonna know if you moved anything.” Ted said.

“No you're not.” Spencer Reid shook his head. “Hi Ashley.”

“Hi Ashley, that’s it? You haven’t seen your little sister in months and all I get is a ‘hi Ashley’. Do you see this Liv? This is family. Get up and come hug me.”

Spencer did what she asked. He wasn’t much of a hugger; he didn’t touch many people. She never wanted to make him uncomfortable but always wanted to show her affection for him. Ashley held him tight and kissed his cheek.

“You're too skinny.” She said, turning up her nose some. “We’re going to have to stuff you with cookies and cake. Mom isn’t going to be happy about this.”

“Erin's already expressed displeasure. I'm fine; I'm naturally skinny.”

“Mmm hmm. Well, this is my friend Olivia Hopkins. She’s going to stay with us over the holiday. This is Dr. Spencer Reid, my big brother.”

“You look a little young to be a doctor.” Olivia shook his hand. “Are you like Doogie Howser or something?”

“Who?” Spencer asked.

“He knows nothing about pop culture references.” Ashley told her.

“I'm actually working on my second PhD at American University. This one will be in Philosophy but I think for my third I'm going with Chemistry.”

“Your third?” Olivia’s eyes widened. “You're going to get your third PhD?”

“Eventually.” Spencer replied. “How do you and Ashley know each other?”

He sat back down at the dining room table where Ted was. There was a huge chessboard with big pieces on it. They seemed to be in the middle of a very intense game. Olivia could barely play chess, she actually wasn’t fond of board games, but she could tell from the looks on their faces that they were into it.

“We play field hockey together.” Ashley replied. “She didn’t want to go home to St. Paul this year so I invited her here. Mom always makes room for everyone. I didn’t think it would be a problem.”

“I don’t have a problem with it.” Spencer shook his head and moved a chess piece. “I see checkmate in three.”

“Spencer, are you going to see your mom over the holiday?” Ashley asked.

She wasn’t sure she was going to ask. Even all these years later, Ashley was almost 21; the subject of Diana Reid was a bit of a sore one. Spencer and Ashley were biological brother and sister. They had different fathers. 

Spencer hadn't seen his since he was four and Ashley had no idea who hers was. Their mother was a brilliant but troubled woman. She was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who now lived in a home for the mentally ill. Diana doted on Spencer, as much as she could. 

He was a genius and she saw him as her little piece of perfection. She seemed to look on Ashley like the Antichrist. The young woman never wanted to blame her for that; Diana wasn’t well. Still it hurt to be rejected by her own mother. Young animals that happened to were killed in the wild.

“I'm going to the Christmas Eve brunch this year. You're invited if you want to come. I think that you should. I know omelets are your favorite and they’re going to have them this year. Plus I think Mom has been disappointed the past few years when you haven’t come.”

“I doubt that seriously. But I’ll think about it. I don’t want to be a bad host and leave Liv on her own.”

“Did I hear my favorite child come through the door?”

“Dad!”

Ashley rushed into her father’s bear-like embrace. She was smiling as if she’d just won the lottery. Dave Rossi laughed and held her tight. They hadn't seen each other since Thanksgiving and though it was barely two weeks he missed his little girl. 

At one time the house had been filled with kids. There was arguing, laughter, love, curfew breaking, and anything else you could think of associated with raising a big family. But now there was only one. Seven year old Noah remained while his two brothers and two sisters moved on and grew up. 

Dave hardly wanted to let Ashley go to Sarah Lawrence College. The idea of her being in New York alone was not appealing. But her grandmother lived there too so there would always be family close by. In the middle of her junior year he could see that she was thriving.

“How was the ride in?” Dave asked, finally letting her go but still holding her hand.

“Oh my God, traffic was ridiculous. I expected it but I think I got my patience behind the wheel from you. Liv contemplated bludgeoning me a couple of times.”

“So this is Liv? I've heard a lot about you young lady.” He shook her hand.

“I can say the same.” Liv smiled. “It’s so good to finally meet you Agent Rossi.”

“You don’t have to call me that.”

“Are you kidding me? All I hear is Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi this, that, and a million other things. Is the story that you actually founded the Behavioral Analysis Unit true?”

“Most of the time it is.” Dave replied. He looked at his daughter. “You’ve been embarrassing me?”

“No way.” Ashley laughed. “All the awesome stuff I say is well deserved. Everyone knows and acknowledges your legend. Its OK that Liv’s going to stay this two weeks, isn’t it? It’s like 20 below in St. Paul; she couldn’t take another winter break there.”

“The completely dysfunctional Hopkins family had a little to do with it as well.” Olivia said.

“Oh we put the funk in dysfunctional.” Ted said. “Mate.”

“What?” Spencer looked all over the board. “How did I miss that?”

“You're not thinking outside the box.” Ted replied.

“Thanks Yoda.” The 25 year old crossed his arms as he paid even more attention to what was in front of him.

“Yoda is a pop culture reference Spencer definitely understands.” Ashley said.

“Well if you're going to get anything Yoda would be a good place to start.” Liv said.

“Thanks.” Spencer smiled.

“Alright we need to talk about sleeping arrangements.” Dave said. “Nan’s in your room this year kiddo because she didn’t want do deal with the stairs. So I made you a room in the attic.”

“Aww yeah, it’ll be like _The Little Princess_.”

“There's a full size bed, a dresser, and a desk. I also got you one of those mp3 player-mabobs because your brother said there might be trouble if I didn’t. I sealed the windows; it can get cold at night in there but I bought two heater fans so that should be good. You still might need an extra blanket.”

“I'm sure the girls can cuddle.” Ted replied as he studied the chessboard. “I don’t think they’ll mind.”

“I loathe you.” Ashley stuck out her tongue.

“I hope you realize that makes my life complete.”

“I'm sure you girls will be just fine.” Dave said giving Ted the eye. “Olivia, as a guest here for the next two weeks, what's ours is yours. Please don’t feel like you need to ask for a drink or something to eat or to partake of anything we have. I just want you to relax and enjoy yourself. I'm sure Ashley will show you around.”

“Thanks Agent Rossi.”

“I can't believe Mom left when she knew I was coming. I talked to her this morning.”

“She wanted to get things for dinner tonight.” Dave replied. “We’re making pizza.”

“Seriously?” that cheered up the young blonde.

“Oh yeah…we’ll probably be cleaning up mozzarella for days. You should go upstairs, check out your new digs, and put your things down. Mom should be home soon. Go on.”

“I'm so glad to be home Dad.” Ashley hugged him again.

“And I'm glad you're here. It’s never quite Christmas unless I have all you guys bitching and moaning under the same roof.”

Dave smiled when Ashley kissed his cheek. Then she and Olivia left the room and he heard them walking up the stairs.

“You owe me $10 Dave.” Ted didn’t even look up from the chessboard when he spoke.

“Ted, I want you to leave your sister alone.” Dave said. “Need I remind you that you crawled out of the closet…at least with your mother?”

“Ashley won't be happy that you're betting on her sexuality.” Spencer said as he moved one of his chess pieces.

“Its all love Spencer.” Ted said. “Are you in for double or nothing that Mom already knows and is a better profiler than Dave.”

“I'm in. Checkmate.”

“Damn!”

***

“Am I going to be happy when I see your grades?” Erin asked. She came and wrapped her arm around her daughter from behind, pressing her temple to Ashley’s.

“I think I nailed all A’s. That should cushion the blow of that C in Chemistry. I need it to graduate or I wouldn’t have taken it at all. I got a tutor and everything, a cute tutor, but my brain doesn’t think that way.”

“I think all A’s will cushion my blow as well. You should mostly be working on classes for your major now.”

“I just picked up a Philosophy minor…Uncle Jason and Spencer will be excited. They’re offering some amazing classes that caught my eye and will be good for me when I join the Academy.”

“You still want to join the Academy?” Erin asked.

“Mom, I've wanted to join the Academy since I was like five.”

“That’s because your father regaled you with all of those stories. Most of them were entirely untrue.” 

“But they were still awesome. It’s why he's such a good writer. You're in the FBI…no one regaled you with stories.”

“What's Olivia’s major?” Erin asked, changing the subject.

There were three pizzas cooking in the oven and Erin was cleaning her kitchen. She didn’t like mess but it was impossible to avoid when raising five children. She was ecstatic to have all of them home for the holidays, and her mother there as well, but it was going to be a lot to clean up over the next couple of weeks. Dave always told her he would just hire someone to clean but Erin never liked the idea of strangers traipsing through her house. It was her sanctuary; she and the people she loved could keep it clean.

“She's an International Studies major. There are so many great classes that she takes; it almost convinced me to take up a second minor.”

“You might never get to the Academy if you keep picking up minors.”

“Try to hold back your sadness at that notion.” Ashley smiled as she sipped her strawberry Bacardi Silver. 

She wasn’t 21 and couldn’t drink legally but her parents never had a problem with her drinking responsibly in the house. They had wine with dinner since she was a little girl. Dave didn’t let Ashley drink her first glass until sixteen. At college she drank a lot more than this but she was home now and would stick to her parents’ rules. The rules were wine coolers, light beer, or wine. She couldn’t even have a cocktail in Fairfax.

“She seems like a wonderful girl.” Erin said. “While Nan and I were out today I picked up a stocking for her to decorate. I’ll drag your father out with me before the end of the week and we’ll get her a few things for under the tree. She's away from home but that doesn’t mean she should feel like an outsider.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Ashley shook her head.

“We want to. She’s a friend of yours and that makes her important to us as well. Tell me all about her.”

“Well there's not a lot to tell. She’s from Minnesota and she's one of four children so we had that big family thing in common. Her parents are divorced but they do spend Christmas together. Liv said they do it for the children but actually it’s pretty uncomfortable and weird. She was glad to have an excuse to get away.”

“And you play field hockey together?” Erin asked.

“We’re on the intramural team. She’s better than me. We met last year after she kicked my legs out from under me with a stick.”

“You're glowing.” Erin said.

“The oven’s on Mom…its hot in here.”

“Hmm.”

“I think dinner should be just about ready.” Dave walked into the kitchen and right into the moment. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Nope.” Ashley shook her head. She went to the fridge for another beverage. “I'm gonna go and check on Liv. I don’t want Ted and Spencer to freak her out with extensive talk on the Harry Potter house sorting thing.”

“They’ve moved on to the many massive issues with the Star Wars prequels.” Dave said. “Deacon’s joining in on that one.”

“Oh yeah, definitely time to save her. Hey, are we gonna watch the movie tonight?”

“We’ll do it on Christmas.” Erin said. “I don’t want to break tradition again.”

“OK.”

“Did she say anything to you?” Dave asked when Ashley was out of the room.

“Did you expect her to just sing it in a song David?” Erin countered. “No she didn’t tell me anything. I'm not going to push anymore…she will when she’s ready. We don’t push our kids that way.”

“Olivia seems like a nice girl. She's not at all nervous or uncomfortable around us. Hell, I even get uncomfortable when the boys start going on and on about the lack of significance Hufflepuff is given in the movies versus the books. She just fit right in. Apparently she's a Ravenclaw.”

He opened the oven and took out the three pizzas. They looked amazing and smelled even better than they looked. One was just plain cheese. Then the kids made a three cheese and sausage and an extra cheese and pepperoni. 

Dave had already taken his Pepcid. There was no way he’d be able to stop himself from sampling at least a slice of each. Thirty slices of pizza for ten people means he might at least get the chance. All of the kids had voracious appetites.

“Maybe they are just friends and we have it all wrong.” Erin said.

“She's never brought anyone home before.” Dave grabbed the pizza cutter from the drawer.

“I know, but she told me Olivia was tired of her blended family’s Christmas to-do. Maybe we should just leave it alone.”

“That’s the third time you’ve said that today.” 

“I mean it. OK, I'm not going to think about it anymore. I should be happy about the fact that my babies are home.” She grabbed the bottle of Shiraz from the counter and poured herself another half-glass. “It’s going to be a wonderful Christmas.”

“I think so too.” Dave smiled. “And we’re officially leaving it alone.”

“I love you.” Erin leaned and kissed his cheek.

“I love you more. We need to feed the masses before they eat us.”

“Please don’t give our children anymore ideas.” Erin laughed.

***

“I like your family.” Olivia said as she sat on the bed and pulled up her pink and red knee socks. The attic was chilly. The sealed window and desk heaters were helping but the socks would help even more.

“They were on their best behavior tonight.”

“I love your brother.”

“Which one?” Ashley asked smiling.

“I meant Ted. I mean I like Spencer too, and little Noah is adorable, but Ted had me in stitches all night.”

“He is the family diva, in every sense of the world. But I do adore him. We were born five months apart but our parents didn’t get married until we were eight. They had been dating since we were six. I think us kids might have pushed them into marriage. Not in a bad way it’s just that they probably felt it was a bad idea to live in sin with four kids involved.”

“You all seem to get along well.”

“We definitely look at each other as brothers and sisters. There's none of that step this and half that. But we've all had our shaky moments. Imagine four teenagers growing up in one house. It’s not too hard for you to imagine I’d figure.”

“Your house is much bigger than mine was.” Olivia smiled. She reached for Ashley’s hand and pulled her onto the bed. “I still like them.”

“I think they like you too.” Ashley took Liv’s face in her hands.

“You don’t sound happy about that.”

“I'm just a little…I've never done anything like this before.”

“I don’t think that means what I think it means.” Liv said.

“I never bring people home. I've always had friends; I've had a nice amount of sexual partners as well. No one has ever met my parents.”

“They didn’t know any of your friends?”

“Less than a handful.” Ashley replied. “And that was mostly in passing. Nora had a few close friends, poor Spencer had none, and Ted virtually turned the place into Grand Central Station. Then when Noah came along there were play dates, birthday parties, and all that stuff. It wasn’t that my parents didn’t love me but it was easy to get lost in the shuffle. I have to admit that I kind of preferred to stay in the shadows.”

“So your parents have no idea about us?”

“No but…it’s not because I'm ashamed or anything like that.” she kissed Liv’s nose. “It’s just hard to discuss. I wish I didn’t have to. I'm intensely personal; surely it’s the one thing I got from my mother.”

“Your mother actually seemed quite personable to me. Clearly she was raised right since I also met your grandmother. It could just be her stellar Upper West Side upbringing.”

“Yeah.” Ashley smiled but it was sad. She got into the bed, slipping under the extra blankets that Dave laid out for them. It felt good when Liv held her in her arms and kissed her. “My family is quite an interesting story. Are you tired?”

“It’s been a long and exciting day but I'm actually in the midst of my second wind.” Liv replied.

“David Rossi isn’t my biological father. I don't know who that is; I don’t even think my mother knows. She's schizophrenic and after her husband left her there was at least 6 months where she went off her medication. I'm a product of that. ”

“You can tell me Ash. I'm always here to listen to whatever you want to get off your chest.”

***

“I don’t even know why we did this.” Ashley sighed as she stirred sugar into her tea. “I think we all know how this will end up.”

“Your enthusiasm for everything, as usual,” Nora quipped. “Is second to none.”

“Well you surely can't tell me I'm wrong.”

“I want to be optimistic.” Ted said, perusing the menu as if he hadn't been there a million times. “They both deserve this so much.”

“It surely can't be argued about them deserving it.” Spencer replied. “But Erin might have to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart to get him on the plane.”

“I'm the new girl here.” Olivia said. “Why would you guys spend so much on such a lovely gift if your parents aren’t going to like it?”

“Oh they're going to love it.” Ted said. “It’s just that Dave has never been overly fond of taking days off. It’s like his head will explode if he doesn't have something to do; someone to save.”

“And Mom will be so happy and wait patiently for the weather to break. And then she’ll wait some more. And then the vague threats will come. Finally, she’ll damn him to hell and take Aunt Ursula on the trip.”

“At least she’ll still enjoy herself.” Nora said nodding.

“And it’s not the only gift they’re getting this year.” Spencer added.

“Maybe we can unleash a serial something or other to Halifax.” Ted said. “That might get Dave there faster than a vacation.”

“You're right about that.” Ashley smiled. “C'mon you guys let order; I'm starving.”

She knew her mother would love the Christmas gift that all the kids chipped in and bought. It was eight days and eight nights away at the famed Milford House in Nova Scotia. They would stay in a cabin on the lake and enjoy nature at its most beautiful. Dave could fish and Erin could swim. They would be able to take the dog and even Noah if they wanted, making it a real family trip. 

But trying to get David Rossi to go on vacation was like trying to get a fish to learn the cha cha…it wasn’t happening. They all knew it was a point of contention between the husband and wife. So they thought if they got them something this good maybe they could find a middle ground. Ashley was hoping for the money she spent that that middle ground was somewhere in Nova Scotia.

“Are you guys ready to order?” a pretty waitress approached wearing a smile. This group looked tired but hungry.

“I'm going to have the New England Clam Chowder.” Spencer said.

“You need to eat something solid Spencer.” Nora said. “Mom and Nan are worried about you. I am too for that matter.”

As the oldest of five, Nora took her job seriously. She’d pretty much been looking after, cleaning up for, being confided in, and helping to fix since she was 10 years old. 16 years later the behavior was old hat.

“I'm fine, and soup is solid.”

“Do you want the bowl or the cup?” the waitress asked.

“I’ll take the bowl…and some bread please.”

After she got the rest of the orders, the waitress walked away. She promised she’d be back in a few minutes with a coffee refill.

“Olivia, was the attic warm enough for you last night?” Ted asked. His sister cut her eyes at him but he ignored her.

“It was fine, thanks. We ended up only needing one of the desk heaters and we kept it on low. The blankets were good.”

“And we huddled together for warmth.” Ashley said. “It was all very Little House on the Prairie. I love Nan but I want my room back.”

“You're cute when you pout but stop it.” Liv said. “The attic is just fine.”

“It could be worse…we could be on a pull out in the den.”

“There's no privacy there.” Spencer said. “But if you want you guys can take my room and I’ll sleep in the attic. I have a lot less than you do and I've got work to do in the library so I won't be around that much.”

“Oh my God, who’s the best big brother ever?” Ashley’s smile was wide.

“Spencer you shouldn’t work so much over the holiday.” Nora said. “A little break would be good for you.”

“My thesis doesn’t know anything about holidays.” He said. “I won't overwork but there are some things that need to get done.”

“I've been looking forward to this break since Thanksgiving.” Ted said. “I don’t want to see a schoolbook or a computer lab or a backpack. I plan to do nothing all month long. I'm home, Tim’s home, and its party time.”

“Well we’re going back to New York before the New Year.” Ashley said. “We were invited to some great parties before school starts up again. I just want to make sure that I give Liv the tour of DC. She’s never actually been here.”

“Are you going to go back to Minnesota when you graduate?” Nora asked.

“No way.” Liv shook her head. “I thought about settling in New York but doesn’t everyone think about that. Ashley has been bragging to me how awesome DC is. I think she just wants a roommate when she returns to go into the FBI Academy.”

“Mom hasn’t talked you out of that yet?” Ted asked as their coffee refills came.

“No, and she won't either. I don’t know if I’ll go into the BAU like Dad and Uncle Jason. They may not even want me; some might call it nepotism. But I'm going into the Academy and the Bureau. It’s always been my dream.”

***

“I don’t even care that I probably spent too much money. I'm really glad that most of these gifts are wrapped now. As for the rest of them…gift bags might be the best investment.”

“You have to make sure to wrap the Lego Death Star.” Erin poked her head out of the bathroom. “Noah is going to love it and I want him to tear the paper off.”

“Done.” Dave held up the gift.

“Are you serious?”

“What?”

“It’s rectangular David. You wrapped it horribly.”

“You cut me to the quick woman. I'm starting to think you get a kick out of it.”

“I’ll rewrap it in the morning. We’ve got one more shopping trip and then…”

“We couldn’t possibly have anymore presents to get. Even if we do, I refuse. Our kids have enough and we even went out and bought a few things for Olivia. No.”

“Yes.”

“No.” Dave shook his head.

“Yes.” Erin said from the bathroom. “Spencer needs new sneakers and I don’t think we remembered to get anything for Diana. He's going to visit her on Christmas Eve.”

“Damn, OK; one more shopping trip. Is Ashley going with him this year?”

“She hasn’t said a thing to me about it but he did tell me that he would ask her. Has she talked to you?”

“She never talks to me about Diana.”

“And you don’t find that strange?”

“I adopted her as a baby and took Spencer in a couple of years later. They never bonded. I think Ashley sees her more as just some relative she never sees. I'm not saying its right; I'm just saying it’s the truth. Also, I think she might be afraid of her.”

“Because she’s schizophrenic?” Erin asked.

“I don't know. She's not a little kid anymore…maybe I should talk to her about it.”

“Just be gentle David.”

“I will be; I promise. Are you hiding in the bathroom?”

“I'm getting ready for bed.” she replied.

“The bed is ready for you, Mrs. Rossi.”

“I'm ready for it too. It’s been a long day. How come we know its coming all year but no matter what there's this mad dash at Christmastime?”

“Humans are adrenaline junkies.”

“I'm going to sleep in tomorrow.” 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Dave said.

“You're going to see it because you'll be with me. We’re closing out the world for just one morning. The kids can fend for themselves. Even Noah knows how to put Eggos in the toaster oven.” Erin turned out the bathroom light and walked into the bathroom. She couldn’t help but smile when her husband did. “You know I fell in love with your smile first.”

“Damn, you look amazing. This must be an early Christmas present.”

“I think you're going to need to clean off the bed. We’ll need that space in a few minutes.”

The smile still on his face, Dave began to move presents and wrapping paper over to the loveseat in the other corner of the room. He turned on the satellite radio; Cassandra Wilson’s voice filled the room. Erin sighed when he pulled her into his arms and they swayed.

“The kids are going to know we’re up to something.” Erin whispered. “Cassandra Wilson is the signal.”

“Well Spencer is upstairs in the attic now so he won't hear it. Nora is spending the night with Deacon, Noah is sound asleep and will probably only hear Mudgie snoring, and Ted is out for the night. Ashley might be doing what we’re about to do.”

“David…”

“You look so amazing.” He kissed her. “You always look amazing.”

“Do you love me?” she asked.

“I've loved you for the longest time. Even when I thought strangling you was a worthwhile endeavor, I still loved you.”

“I kinda like you too.” Erin smiled.

“You make me a better man, Erin Strauss.”

“You're already the best.”

“I was a prime catch.” Dave walked her over to the bed. “I was beating the women off with a stick.”

“Not all of them.”

“Well there are certain things that a man becomes accustomed to…”

“Eww.” Erin turned up her nose.

“You're my favorite wife.” He kissed her nose and her lips as they slid under the covers. 

The door was half open but Dave didn’t care. He didn’t care because he didn’t want to get out of bed and no one would disturb them. There was a chance of the dog coming in but he usually slept in Noah’s room. While Mudgie could be fuzzy on rules, he stuck pretty good to the one about not jumping into bed when they were being intimate.

“I think Carolyn might be your favorite wife. The first one usually is. If things would've turned out a little differently, I may have been wife number two.”

“You would've had Denise beat by a country mile.”

Erin lifted the tee shirt over his head. She kissed his heartbeat, loving the way it always made Dave shudder. They'd known each other a long time and she always wondered if other women made him do the same. Of course there weren't too many women who would think to kiss a man’s heartbeat. But Erin didn’t discriminate…she loved every part of her husband. It was the parts that he didn’t think about so much that she loved the most.

“Four is a good number though.” She said. “I don’t know if I've told you but it’s always been my favorite.”

Dave’s laughter was muffled as he bent to kiss her shoulder. He brushed away the strap of the purple nightgown. Purple was a good color on her, though Erin looked good in almost anything. He loved when she wore special things for him. 

Dave had a thing for women’s lingerie. Most men did. He also had a thing for panties and garters and lacy things, all of which his wife had in abundance. It was such a turn on knowing that having these things made Erin feel sexy outside of getting her husband off. Women who felt good about themselves were hot.

“We might wake the neighborhood tonight.” he said, moving the nightgown down to her waist.

“As long as we don’t wake the kids it’s alright with me.”

***

Ashley moaned, biting her lip as her breasts pressed against Liv’s. She loved that feeling and it always made her shiver. Something else that made her shiver was the way Liv always gripped her hips when she fucked her. Ashley had her fair share of sex partners over the years but Olivia had quickly become her favorite. There was just something about the way their bodies fit together. 

She loved the noises Olivia made, the way she touched her, grabbed her, and made her feel like she was on top of the world. Fucking Olivia was like taking the good drugs. Not that Ashley had tons of experience with drugs. But who needed drugs when this woman had to do everything in her power not to scream your name. That was one thing Ashley would miss about the attic. Quiet sex wasn’t her favorite but she wasn’t giving up sex so they would make do.

“Oh God Ash, fuck me, fuck me!”

“You're so sexy when you want it. You want it?”

“Mmm,” Olivia arched her back as she gripped Ashley’s hips tighter. 

She loved being fucked. She loved to feel the strap-on deep inside of her. She loved breasts pressed on breasts and the way Ashley grunted from the energy she exerted. It was something her girlfriend hadn't even been into when they first started dating. Ashley had been with both men and women, but she was practically innocent in the way of sex toys. Like everything else, she was a quick study. And Homer, yes Olivia’s strap-on had a name, got quite a workout after they’d been together for a few months.

Ashley’s smile was almost feral when she stroked Liv’s clit. She didn’t care anymore if they woke anyone or who the hell knew. All that matter was making Olivia come. She didn’t care when she kissed her and Liv bit her lip. She didn’t give a damn about the marks that might be on her back or hips in the morning. All she cared about was feeling that quiver and hearing that sound and knowing that the girl she loved was satisfied.

“Ashley, Ashley, oh God, oh God, ohhh God.”

Even though she was breathless, Olivia kissed her. Ashley tasted like herself from the kisses earlier and it turned Liv on. Everything about Ashley Seaver turned her on from the first time she saw her running across the grass playing field hockey. From their first conversation she was smitten and the first time she saw her naked she was hooked. Olivia had been in lust before and even in deep like. She’d never been in love. With Ashley Seaver she was all three and then some.

“I love you, Ash.” She caressed her face.

Ashley just smiled. She smiled and felt tears in the back of her eyes. No one had ever said that to her before. Well her parents and siblings had but they didn't count. There were times Ashley could be in a room full of people and feel alone, isolated. 

She never knew why she felt that way but she did. With Liv, she could live. There was something about her where Ashley wanted to share everything. She wanted to experience the good and bad with her. She wanted to make love until they collapsed from exhaustion, which they had a couple of times. 

She wanted to build a life with her and enjoy every moment they were together. That was scary as hell and awesome all at the same time. Sighing, Ashley pulled out and moved onto the bed. She ripped the Velcro off of Homer, laying him beside her on the mattress. Liv immediately turned on her side and slipped her hand between Ashley’s thighs.

“You love me?” Ashley asked, taking gentle hold of her wrist as she stroked her.

“I love you.” Liv kissed her earlobe.

“I love you too, Liv. I've never done this before so I might be no good at it. I should apologize now.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I've never done it before either…I can't really believe I'm doing it now.” she hugged her tight.

“I'm going to tell my family about us.” Ashley said. “I need you to know that you're not a dirty secret.”

“Take all the time you need with that. No one ever pretended it was easy. Just because I love you doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to pressure you. I like things the way they are. I'm going to like them when you tell your family too but I like them just fine now.”

“Do you even know what you're getting into?”

Ashley turned in her arms, caressing Liv’s face. There was so much she wanted to say but the words weren't there. Ashley carried a lot of baggage and she didn’t want to weigh anyone down. That was especially so for someone she adored as much as she adored Olivia.

“Its time for bed.” she kissed Ashley’s nose. “No bad thoughts tonight; only good ones.”

“Good thoughts.” Ashley repeated.

“Exactly. We’ll sleep and then whenever we wake up we’ll go out for brunch.”

“We can go on our tour of DC tomorrow. That should be a lot of fun.”

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“OK.” Ashley snuggled in her arms. “I think I'm happy again.”

It wasn’t exactly true but it was close enough. Liv was right, now was not the time for bad thoughts. They were in love. And Ashley was home with her family whom she loved so much. Not to mention that Christmastime was her favorite time of the year. There were so many things to be grateful, excited, and happy about. She could make a whole list, and would if it came to that.

***

“Tell me how you're going to do this again.”

“It’s simple. I hook the black box into the TV. Then I send info from my laptop to the black box via waves of awesome. Then on Christmas Eve, voila, 50 inches of Santa.”

“That sounds like a porn flick.”

“Stop talking that way young Strauss or you're going to end up on Santa’s naughty list.”

“If I'm not there already I’ll be disappointed.” Ted laughed. “I'm really excited about this, Penelope. I think its something the whole family will enjoy.”

Penelope Garcia nodded as she made sure the black box was intact. This would be an easy job but only if all of her equipment worked. No one wanted to be in the middle of a Santa watch and have it go out on them. She had a reputation to uphold.

“So the family hasn’t killed each other under one roof yet?” Penelope asked.

“We’re doing fine. You’ve got to meet Ashley’s girlfriend, she’s totally hot.”

“We know for sure it’s a _girlfriend_ girlfriend?”

“I know.”

“In other words, no.” Penelope looked at him.

“OK she hasn’t said it out loud yet, and she might not on this trip. But I know. I can read body language. My mother is a profiler…I came by it naturally.”

“Your mother is a Section Chief. I don’t think that’s the same thing.”

“Fine, my stepfather is a profiler…I got it through osmosis.”

“That’s more like it.” Penelope smiled.

“So what are you doing for the holiday?” Ted asked. He sat on the arm of the couch as Penelope worked her magic.

“Kevin and I are going to see his family in Pennsylvania. I tried to beg it off but I've done that too much lately. I just don’t want to be the weird girl, you know? But I'm pretty much always going to be the weird girl so…what do you do?”

“Kevin’s kind of the weird guy so it works.”

“It does work.” Penelope nodded. “His family is normal though. They're like postcard normal. I think they hoped he would find a normal girl and slip into their Norman Rockwell painting life. No such luck.”

“But he has the most awesome girl on the planet. If I liked girls in that way I’d give him a run for his money.”

“I've been beating gay boys off with a stick since high school.” She replied. “Come at me, bro.”

They were laughing when Erin walked into the living room. She smiled at the happy sound.

“I didn’t know you were here, Penelope.”

“Oh hey ma'am. I'm just hacking into NORAD for you.”

“What?” Erin’s blue eyes went wide.

“She's kidding Mom; kidding, kidding, kidding. Penelope’s hooking up the Santa tracker for us. It’s through NORAD but there will be nothing on the TV until Christmas Eve night, when they start tracking the big dude delivering gifts. I thought it would be cool for Noah.”

“And you're sure we’re not breaking any federal laws?” Erin asked.

“No ma'am. Everyone is allowed to follow Santa and no one will be privy to any classified info. But if you need me to get you anything…”

“Stop while you're ahead Penelope.” The older blonde held up her hand.

“Yes ma'am.”

“And stop calling me ma'am. Would you like some coffee?”

“I would love some, thank you. Have I ever told you how much I love coming over to your house?”

“I bet.” Erin smiled.

Ashley and Olivia came through the door laughing and talking. They'd been in DC all day, going to museums, shopping, and spending quality time together.

“Hey Mom, we’re…hey Penelope!”

“Little Ashley Seaver, come and give me some love.”

Ashley rushed over to hug her, still holding Olivia’s hand. Penelope just smiled at her.

“This is my friend, Olivia.” Ashley said. “Most people just call her Liv. And Liv, this is the one and only Penelope Garcia.”

“It’s so nice to meet you.” Liv held out her hand.

“Oh sweetie,” Penelope pulled her into a hug. “We hug around here. So you're spending Christmas with the Strauss-Rossi clan?”

“Yes. I didn’t feel like traveling all the way to St. Paul this year and freezing my stockings off.”

“Oh I bet. I'm going to Pennsylvania and they're already talking about a White Christmas.”

“While we don’t always have a white Christmas, we always have cold ones. Virginia isn’t Hawaii or anything but it may as well be.”

“And you and Ashley are friends?” Penelope asked.

“Best friends.” Liv squeezed her hand. 

“Don’t believe anything Ted tells you.” Ashley said. “He's just wildly speculating as usual.”

“Why not?” Ted asked. “I keep things interesting around here and you know. Penelope is hooking up the Santa tracker for Christmas Eve.”

“Oh that’s awesome.” Liv smiled. “I follow it every year and get all excited when I know he's right over St. Paul.”

“Well you'll be able to see it on the 50” TV this year.” Penelope said.

“I think after we watch a movie, we’ll turn on Channel 5 and watch his flights with coffee and snacks.” Ted said.

“Is this family even real?” Liv smirked.

“We get along extremely well at Christmastime to make up for being at each other’s throats for the other 360 days.” Ashley replied.

“Tell me all about yourself, Liv.” Penelope said. “If you're special to little Seaver then you're special to me. Sit and tell me everything.”

Liv looked at Ashley and she just smiled. So that sat down on the couch and chattered while Ted kept a close eye on things. He just wanted Ashley to be happy and she seemed to be with Liv. He was one of the few people who could see through her mask. Growing up she hadn't always been as together as she pretended to be. 

Not that it was easy to grow up in the shadow of two such amazing people. And Ashley also had the long shadow of her brilliant troubled mother, her unknown father, and her certified genius big brother. It was easy to get lost in all of that and sometimes she did. But since going away to college he saw her blossom. 

She found something she wanted to study, picked up a sport, and made friends. Now it was possible that she also found love. Ted would never out her, if it turned out that she and Olivia were more than best friends. But he always wanted her to know if there was no other safe place in the world, this big old house with all of its strange inhabitants and visitors would be the one place that Ashley could be Ashley.

***

“Dad, I'm not sure you're doing that right.”

“No, I've been doing this kind of thing for about 40 years. I think I would know if…wait, I might not be doing this right.”

“Yeah.” Noah nodded and even though he tried not to, he laughed.

The sound of his laughter made his father laugh. Dave turned the bicycle right side up and looked at the wheel. It was definitely on incorrectly. Smirking, he flipped it upside down again and grabbed the ratchet wrench.

“Sometimes you're too much like your mother.” Dave pointed at Noah’s nose.

“Does that mean I'm right a lot?” Noah grinned.

“Something like that. Don’t worry, we’ll get this bike up and running in no time.”

“I have complete faith in you, Dad.” Noah patted his shoulder.

“OK, that was definitely your mother coming through.”

The seven year old giggled. He went to sit on the porch swing across from where his father worked on the bike. Noah had been there when he installed that too. He was always Dave’s helper on projects.

“Dad?”

“Yeah kiddo?”

“I can talk to you about anything, right?”

“You most definitely can.” Dave nodded, tightening the back wheel. He still had to put on the training wheels.

“This friend of mine at school, his name is Brian; he said that Santa Claus is fake. He said parents buy all the gifts and if you don’t get the stuff you want it’s because you're poor.”

“He doesn’t sound very nice.”

What Dave wanted to say was that Brian sounded like a douchebag. He wasn’t going to say that in front of Noah. He thought about it though. He thought really hard.

“He's alright.” Noah replied. “I would think poor kids would get more gifts though cuz Mom says that Santa works extra hard for them. During the year they don’t always get stuff so Christmas is special.”

“If they're good it can be. Remember you don’t get anything if you're on the naughty list.”

“So he's real, right Dad? I mean he doesn’t have to be really real, but he's real right?”

“He's real.” Dave nodded. “There are people who don’t believe and it’s always been that way. I think that people just get confused about Santa.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well Santa doesn’t bring all the gifts. He shouldn’t be blamed when kids don’t get everything they want. Its 2010 and there are 300 million people in America alone. Back in the olden days he could have elves make wooden trains or metal Slinkies. Santa can't make a Wii. Things are more complicated in the 21st century.”

“Santa had to get with the times.” Noah said.

“Exactly. Don’t believe the other kids if they say he's not real. Santa is always in your heart and as long as you believe then he's real for you.”

“Do you believe in Santa, Dad?”

“Yes I do.”

“And you're not just saying that so I can stop asking questions?”

“You can ask me any question in the world.” Dave replied. He looked at his little boy. There was so much of him, and Erin, in Noah’s face. It wasn’t just his face. 

So many aspects of his personality could be attributed to his mother or his father. Waking up everyday and experiencing him was fascinating. “That’s what I'm here for. I used to ask my old man questions from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed when I was your age.”

“OK.” Noah nodded. “I'm gonna tell Brian that Santa is real. I don’t know if he’ll believe me or not but I believe. I hope I get lots of good stuff this year.”

“Did you ask for a lot?”

“Mom said I had to ask for the three things I wanted the most. Anything else was overin-, overin-…”

“Overindulgent?”

“Yeah. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.” He did it for emphasis.

“I’ll do the same; I promise.”

“Just wait until you're finished with my bike, OK?”

“So noted.” Dave laughed as he began work on the training wheels.

***

“Nan, I swear you're cheating.” Ashley laughed as she pushed the controller.

“I’ll have you know I'm a very good driver.” Joanna Parkinson-Strauss leaned forward. “Back in the day they were eating my dust.”

“I'm eating your dust right now.”

They were playing a racing game on Playstation. Ashley loved spending time with her grandmother. They’d always been close, even though Erin wasn’t her biological mother. As soon as she started school in New York Ashley made it a point to spend every other Sunday with Joanna. Nan was one of her all-time favorite people.

“Ashley, can I talk to you?” Spencer walked into the living room. He looked at his grandmother and sister playing video games on the couch. Olivia was on the chair across the room writing in a journal.

“I'm wiping the floor with Nan at the moment.”

“It’s important.”

“OK.” She looked up at him. “Pause the game Nan. Hey Liv, can you come fill in for me?”

“Sure.” she got up from the chair and went over to the couch.

“If she wins Nan, I totally set her up for it.”

“I doubt it.” Joanna smiled.

“What's up bro?” Ashley smiled as she popped up off the couch and stood in front of him.

“Can we talk in the den?”

“Oh sure.”

She didn’t know what was going on but she followed Spencer out of the room and into the den. He seemed strange since she’d been home and Ashley could admit that she hadn't spoken to him much between Thanksgiving and now. As much as she loved her big brother, they didn’t have a lot in common. She knew how hard Spencer was working on this second PhD so she mostly left him alone with his studies. 

For the New Year she would make the resolution to talk to him at least once a week. That would probably be good for both of them. Family was so important. After all that they'd been through sticking together was essential.

“What's up?”

“I'm really pissed off that you won't come with me tomorrow.” Spencer said.

“What?” she was slightly taken aback by his peevish tone.

“Every year you make up some excuse why you won't go and see Mom. How do you think that makes her feel?”

“I don’t think it makes her feel any kind of way, Spencer. She doesn’t even like me.”

“That’s not true. She’s your mother.”

“No, she gave birth to me and there is a difference. And if you recall she tried to throw herself down the stairs during her fifth month and get rid of me. That doesn’t exactly make for great conversation.”

“She's sick Ashley, and it’s not fair to blame her for that.”

“I don’t.” Ashley shook her head. “I'm sorry she's sick, I am, but she's not a mother to me. The few times we’ve gone together to visit her she barely acknowledges my existence. You want to talk about feelings; that makes me feel like crap. She didn’t want me and she doesn’t have to have me. I have to do what's best for me Spencer. Its not mean, its survival.”

“We’re family…we’re blood and that should be important to you.”

“Why are you getting on me like this? I don’t know what you care for. She loves you; thinks the sun rises and sets on you. Its Spencer this and Spencer that and I'm just some bastard that she passed off as soon as I came from her womb.”

“She couldn’t take care of you!” Spencer exclaimed. “She wanted us, more than anything. This damn schizophrenia…”

“No, she wanted you. You’re the one she wanted so much and she still has you. Tell me, does she even ask about me? What the hell is so important that I need to be there? If I want her Christmas to be merry, which I do as I would never wish ill for her, I’ll just stay away.”

“Well if you're not going to acknowledge your mother’s existence, its no doubt that you could care less that I'm your brother.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh c'mon, you're closer to Ted than you'll ever be to me. I'm your blood and you pretend I'm not in the room half the time.”

“Spencer, if you can't fathom how much I love you, if you don’t think I would lay down my life for you then you're no genius. I love you, just as much as I love Ted or Nora or Noah. Not more, for blood or anything else; just as much. We’re all a family and I'm not going to start picking favorites. You have some damn nerve. You talk about me being selfish but all I hear you talking about is yourself. What’s the matter with you?”

“Why should I talk to you, you don’t give a damn.” He crossed his arms.

“You know what? To hell with you then. I am so through. I am so through trying to be what everyone wants me to be. I can't be that girl OK, and I'm not trying anymore. So if you can't handle it then you know where to stuff it Spencer Reid.”

She opened the door and rushed out of the room. Ashley went straight down the hall, out the front door, and slammed it. Erin popped her head out of the kitchen where she was making a sandwich.

“Hey, no door slamming guys!” she exclaimed. “Who was that?”

“It was Ashley.” Spencer came into the kitchen. “We just had a fight.”

“Why did you have a fight?” Erin asked. “What happened Spencer?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He was notorious for his clamming up skills. Erin decided not to try and pry him open right now. Maybe she could get some answers out of Ashley.

“Is she alright?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “You should probably go and check on her.”

Concerned by his tone, Erin put down the butter knife. She walked out the front door but didn’t have to look too far. Ashley was sitting on the steps crying. Erin walked over but didn’t get too close. She knew that her youngest daughter lashed out when she was angry.

“Ashley? Are you alright, sweetie?”

“Mommy.” She looked up at her and began to sob.

Erin went down the steps and wrapped her arms around her. She held her as Ashley cried. The kids fought sometimes, it was normal. They didn't usually have knockdown drag outs but there were times when Dave or Erin had to separate them. 

That was one of the many tests of being a parent. But it was rare that Spencer was involved in one of those kinds of battles. And he never once made his sister cry as long as she could remember. Erin Strauss had quite a long memory. It was a blessing and a curse.

“Aww Ashley, I'm sorry you're so upset.” She stroked her blonde hair. “You and Spencer never fight and I'm so sorry.”

“He’s an asshole.” She muttered.

“No he's not. You may have had an argument but you're always going to be brother and sister. He’d slay a dragon for you and you'd do the same for him.”

“Dragons aren’t real.”

“What happened?” Erin took the young girl’s face in her hands.

“He's never going to stop pressuring me about Diana.”

“Diana who?”

“His mother.” Ashley spat the words out. 

She didn’t know whether to be angry or crushed. She felt both but anger was usually her default position in a situation like this. She never wanted people to see or perceive her as weak. She was a Rossi dammit, and Rossis could kick ass and take names. Falling apart wasn’t an option.

“She's your mother too.”

“She doesn’t even know me and she hates my guts.”

“You know that Diana is sick.” Erin said gently. “She's been sick for a long time but she's in a place where she can stay get the help she requires. Part of that help is being able to see and interact with her children.”

“I'm not her child.” Ashley shook her head. “She gave me away. And I'm not mad at her for that, I swear; it was for the best. But she won't even look in my face. Maybe she hates my father. 

“I don’t know…I don’t even know who he is. Just like its not her fault she's sick, it’s not my fault that I'm here. Every time I'm around her I feel unwanted. I shouldn’t have to feel that way. Spencer should understand that. And if he doesn’t then whatever. I'm not going to suffer so that he can be happy.”

“He misses his mom. He wants to be a normal family and is smart enough to know that it’s not probable. That has to be painful for him.”

“Everything isn’t always about him.” Ashley moved away from Erin on the step.

“Each of you has your own little selfish things. I even have mine and Dad has his. It’s human nature. When dealing with the pervasive illness of someone you love unconditionally, this behavior is not that surprising.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know if your brother will ever understand where you're coming from. You may explain it a million times but he might not get it. That’s not your fault. You just have to be patient and gentle with him Ashley. He goes through a lot. And I know you do too but you both have to work on it. We all have to work on it, everyday.”

“I just want to be mad right now.”

“OK.” Erin nodded. “But you’ve got to let some of that go by dinner time, Mom’s orders. Its Christmas, we don’t get to be together that often anymore, and you know deep down how much Spencer loves you. I'm going to suggest something and I don’t want to upset you. Go to the luncheon. 

“Just go and see Diana to say hello. Have no expectations; just go and see her. You have a certain memory of her and sometimes our memories play tricks on us. You're not a little kid anymore. Go and see your mother adult to adult. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn't work. But give it a try.”

“I don't know.” Ashley shook her head.

“And its OK not to know.” Erin said. “I would never push you into anything you don’t want. All I've ever wanted, and Dad too, is for you to be happy. We know that you worry about your brain and if you're going to lose your mind and countless other things that millions of people worry about and those that are unique just to you. One thing that never has to be on that list is your family loving you. 

“Ashley, you are strong, beautiful, smart, amazing, and that’s never going to change. We’re always going to support you and love you. Nothing you could do would stop that. Even if you decided to become a bohemian pothead in Bratislava, which I don’t recommend,” She smiled when Ashley did. “We would still love you. 

“If schizophrenia rears its ugly head we’ll still love you and help take care of you. If you love Olivia like I love Dad, we’re still going to love you. Be yourself because yourself is awesome. I know something has been weighing on you but if its love, don’t let it. You can say it out loud; keep it to yourself; do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Just know that if you love her then we want to love her too.”

“Mom…”

“Don’t push yourself.” Erin kissed her forehead. “I'm here whenever you want to talk about anything. I mean it. Come inside soon sweetheart, its cold out here.”

“OK.”

Ashley nodded as her mother got up and started up the steps.

“Olivia is amazing Mom, and I do love her.”

“It’s written all over your face sweetheart.”

“Was there any money on this?” Ashley asked.

“Perhaps just a little.” Erin replied. “It was all out of love. You’ve never brought anyone home before. Something in your voice sounded different when you talked about her, even if it was just a little.”

“OK.”

They didn’t say anything else and Erin went back in the house. Ashley didn’t know how long she sat on the steps after that. She’d begun to shiver and got up to go in the house when Spencer came out.

“Its cold.” He held out her windbreaker for her. “You should put this on.”

“Thank you.”

“I should probably say...”

“Don’t say anything.” Ashley held up her hand as she slipping her arms into the jacket. “You’ve said enough.”

“But I think…”

“Spencer, stop it.” she spoke through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to get into another fight but I don’t care about what you think at the moment. You overreacted, you want to apologize; you, you, you. I need to clear my head and I need to do that without you hovering. Please just leave me alone.”

He stood there for a few minutes as if he wanted to say something and changed his mind. With a heavy sigh, Spencer turned and went back into the house. He ran into Olivia on her way out.

“Hey what happened?” she asked. “Are you OK?”

“My brother is a fuckin idiot.” The blonde wiped away fresh tears.

“Which one?” she put her arms around Ashley.

“Spencer. We got into a fight about Diana. She's our mother.”

“Are you going to be OK?”

“Yeah.” Ashley nodded. “I just need to suck it up.”

“You never have to do that. You have every right to all of your feelings, especially where your biological mother is concerned.”

“She's more than that to him.”

“That’s to him. You’re completely different.”

“So this isn’t as difficult a concept as some pretend?” Ashley couldn’t help but smirk when she asked. “Spencer just has a lot of stuff under that big, giant brain. I try with him, just as I know that he tries me. Sometimes…”

“It’s a sibling thing.” Olivia hugged her tight. “Believe me when I tell you that I know.”

“I told my mom about us too.” Ashley mumbled it as she held onto Liv. “Well I didn’t tell her so much as she told me so I could escape the awkwardness of the entire thing. I don’t do awkwardness well.”

“I think you're adorable when you're awkward.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm hmm.” Olivia nodded. She kissed her nose and then her lips. “Let’s go back inside. It’s cold out here.”

“Should I talk to Spencer?” Ashley asked.

“Not right now,” Liv took her hand as they walked in the house. “You deserve to have time to work it all out in your head. Later on is fine.”

“OK.”

“I bet playing another round of Pole Position with Nan would bring a smile to your face.”

“I think you might be right.” Ashley nodded. “Even though it’s sad how bad she's kicking my ass right now.”

“C'mon, let’s do it.” Liv let her hand go as they walked into the living room.

“Yeah.” Ashley took her hand again, lacing her fingers through hers. “Let’s do it.”

Liv smiled but didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to; she and Ashley were often beyond words anyway.

***

“Don’t be alarmed, it’s just your husband.”

“Mmm, that’s impossible.” Erin whispered as Dave spooned behind her. She let out a content sigh as her body molded to his. She smiled when he slipped his arms around her, kissing her shoulder. “My husband was supposed to be in bed hours ago and not working in his study until the wee hours of the morning. My husband is supposed to be taking some time off.”

“OK, then I'm not your husband.”

“I'm going to lock your study door and throw away the key.”

“I’d probably just take it off the hinges.” Dave replied.

“You're unbearable.”

“I think that’s part of the reason you're so madly in love with me.”

“At least 60% of it.” Erin said.

“Is Ashley alright?” Dave asked. 

He knew about the argument she and Spencer had earlier. He didn’t know all of the details, as he heard it third-hand, but he knew it was about Diana. That was one of the places he felt he seriously failed as a parent. Instead of encouraging Ashley to have a proper relationship with her mother, he gave her Erin. While their children surely weren't the only reason they were together, he was so glad to be able to put a positive female influence in Ashley’s life. 

But Diana was a wonderful woman and he should've showed her daughter that as well. She had two PhDs; she was just as much of a genius as her son. She was cultured and well-read and had been all over the world. It was just in the last 20 or so years that her schizophrenia became too difficult to control. 

Dave felt it was the dissolution of her marriage along with the mystery surrounding Ashley’s paternity that caused his cousin to have a serious break from reality. But in the Potomac Ridge Behavioral Health Center she was getting the help she needed. Diana would probably never get out but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be a loving and supporting mother. They both deserved to have that chance to know each other. Dave just hoped it wasn’t too late.

“I'm not sure. She’s going to be but I think with every bad discussion they have about this, it put hairline fractures in Ashley and Spencer’s relationship. That could eventually lead to an unfixable crack.”

“Blood is thicker than everything.” He said.

“Yeah, sometimes it’s so thick you can't rise to the surface and you drown.”

“That’s an unpleasant thought.”

“I'm a realist, David.” Erin turned in his arms.

“Well tomorrow is Christmas Eve and maybe I'm hoping for a miracle. I’ll talk to her in the morning.”

“You cannot push her.”

“I won't.” Dave shook his head and kissed his wife’s lips. “But maybe I've made some mistakes along the way and can fix them. Diana and Ashley shouldn’t have to suffer for my inexperience.”

“You weren't alone for so much of it.” she said.

“I know, and I'm appreciative of that. I really want Ashley to have some kind of relationship with her mother.”

“So do I. We can't make that decision for her though.”

“No, but she also can't make it completely uninformed. I really hope she goes to the brunch tomorrow.”

“I hope she follows her heart and her gut.” Erin replied.

“Speaking of her heart…”

“She’s in love…and doing a completely lousy job of hiding it.”

“She gets that from her mother.” Dave kissed her again. “So she told you?”

“No, I told her that whatever she did and whomever she loved that we would always be her family. She's going to get love and support no matter what. I think that eased her mind some.”

“She's carrying a lot on her shoulders.”

“They all are, in some form or fashion. We have overachieving kids who push too hard sometimes. I can't fault them as I'm not much different. I just want them to really use this time as a break. It’s not always easy to let go of all of that stress.”

“I have the perfect antidote for your stress, Mrs. Rossi.” Dave leaned to kiss her neck and collarbone.”

“I'm sorry but only my husband can touch me there. Ooh, and there too. You’re being such a bad boy.”

“Be a bad girl for me tonight.” Dave whispered in her ear.

Erin laughed, running her fingers through his hair. While she was so glad to have her children home and her mother there for the holidays, she was really happy she and Dave were taking time off. It was hard to drag him away from Quantico. She worked a lot as well and understood but he was a serious workaholic. He had been that way since she met him. 

Erin didn't want to change him. She wanted him to want to be home more. But David Rossi was slaying demons. They were his as well as the monsters that hid under other people’s beds. It was more than a full-time job. 

The couple had this moment and Erin wanted to make sure she made the best of it. It wasn’t just about sex, something they had been good at since their very first encounter. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and her wish was to spend the day in quiet bliss with her husband. Erin learned years ago that Dave’s undivided attention was a precious commodity.

“You can have all of me right now.” she said, moving onto her back and taking him with her. “I want all of you tomorrow.”

“I'm yours, Erin. I pretty much always have been.”

***

“I'm driving.” Ashley said as Spencer walked out of the house. She was leaning on her Mustang, swinging the keys on her finger.

“I'm actually going to take the train.” He came down the front steps.

“It’s over an hour to Rockville on the train.”

“I don’t find sitting in quiet contemplation for an hour to be a problem.” Spencer said.

“Is that a crack that I talk too much?” his little sister asked.

“No.” Spencer smiled as he shook his head.

“The train station is half a mile away.”

“I was going to take a walk. I like walking.”

“Just get in the car, Spencer.” Ashley nodded toward the passenger seat with her head.

“Are you just dropping me off?” he asked as he walked over to the car.

“I'm honestly not sure. It’s hard to contemplate walking away from omelets when I get so close. And it has been a long time since I've seen Diana. I got her a present. You'd probably be mad if I asked you to give it to her.”

“I’d do it if you want me to.” he shrugged and got into the car. 

Ashley climbed in as well and put the key in the ignition. The Cure came blasting out of the speakers. She turned the music down but not off. She would need something to prepare her for walking into something she had no idea about.

“Spencer, I would never ask you to choose between your mom and me.”

“She's your mom too.” he said.

“No, she's not. She gave birth to me; no one is going to debate that. But you were with her until you were almost six years old. She read you stories, sang you songs, and tucked you into bed. 

“You remember a life with her and your father. I know how grateful you are for that even when it hurts. The moment I was born I was put in Dad’s arms. Diana didn’t even want to hold me.”

“Where do you get all of these bad stories from?” Spencer asked. “How do you know she didn’t hold you? How do you know that she didn’t want you more than anything but just couldn’t take care of you? Why do you assume that she hates you?”

“I'm 20 years old and she hasn't once tried to reach out to me. I'm not hard to find; I never have been. That’s not the point. My point is you cannot take my relationship with Diana, or lack thereof, as a reflection on you. I live my life the best way I can and you’ve got to respect that. 

“I don’t want this to be a point of contention with us for the rest of our lives.” Ashley sighed. “The truth is that Diana and I may never be close. I'm going today, I'm going to try, but can't make any promises. That’s my decision. You’ve made yours and I have to make mine.”

“She's a wonderful human being.” He felt the need to defend his mother. 

Despite her schizophrenia there were so many people who loved and respected her. He couldn’t imagine having anyone more wonderful as a parent. Erin had been great, and so was Dave, but being Diana’s son defined Spencer. For better or for worse he was his mother’s son.

“Well she raised you so I definitely love her for that.”

They didn’t talk for a while after that. The music played and they just rode. Ashley was already shaking; she just wasn’t sure if this was going to work. It was Christmas Eve; the last thing she wanted was to feel rejected. 

She could be at home with her family right now, and Liv, getting all the love in the world. Doing this instead was going to smooth things over with Spencer. At least Ashley hoped it did. And maybe she would get to know Diana better. 

She would never be her mother but she was still blood; family. For that Ashley could try. It was also hard to say no to omelets. That was going to be the main event at the luncheon.

“I'm sorry that I got so angry at you yesterday.” Spencer said. He mumbled it mostly but was sure that she understood it.

“I'm letting it go. It’s probably best that way. We’re going to have arguments, we’re siblings. It’s OK.”

“Is it really OK or is this something that will fester until we’re in our 30s and then you explode and kill me?”

“What?” Ashley glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I'm just asking.” Spencer said.

“I'm letting it go, Spencer. No festering, no killing; cross my heart.”

“Yeah, OK.”

There were a million conflicting feelings in Spencer’s belly right now. Even though she was about 25 miles away from him at any given time, he didn’t see his mother much. Spencer was always in school and even though he hadn't told anyone, he’d be joining the FBI Academy after graduation in May. There was guilt attached to not being there for her as a son should. 

Diana surely never made him feel that way and Spencer was grateful. Maybe some of the reason he wanted Ashley to be closer to their mother was because he couldn’t always be there. Dave visited her when he could but her children should look after her. When Spencer couldn’t Ashley could. 

It didn’t seem as if that was ever going to happen. The notion of a happy family was just a fantasy. It was a fantasy that kicked Spencer in his gut whenever he thought about it. He had Dave and Erin, Ted, Nora, and Noah, but never quite felt as if he belonged. He belonged somewhere right?

“Tell me something about her Spencer.” Ashley said.

“About Mom?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well one of my first memories is the difference she did in the voices of Peter Pan and Captain Hook when she read me the story out loud. We read everything out loud when I was little…”

***

“Do you like it buddy?” Ted asked, clapping as he laughed. “This might just be my favorite present and not just because I bought it mind you. C'mon, gimme a high five.”

Mudgie barked, holding up his paw and giving Ted a high five. He’d bought the dog a Johns Hopkins University Lacrosse hoodie. He was a junior there, studying political science. He was also a star on the lacrosse team. 

Like every other child in the family he was an overachiever. There didn't seem to be enough hours in the day for all Ted wanted to do and experience. He’d already told his mother and stepfather that when he graduated he planned to take a year off just to breathe. He probably hadn't done that since middle school.

“You bought the dog a hoodie?” Dave raised an eyebrow as he handed Ted a big mug of cocoa.

“He's got Hopkins pride. Don’t hate the player, Dave; hate the game.”

“Oh, OK.” He laughed, sitting down next to his wife on the couch.

Christmas Eve was a big and busy day for the blended Strauss-Rossi family. It started with a big breakfast in the morning. Then afternoon was for Spencer and Ashley to see Diana; Dave would drive them when they were younger. Other family scattered for everything from naps to last minute shopping to visiting friends to exchange gifts. 

At sundown, the family piled into a car, this year it was Dave’s Suburban, to drive around and look at Christmas lights. The “adults”, Dave, Erin, and Joanna, stayed home this year. They ordered dinner and got things ready for when the kids came home. The evening was all about Chinese food, S’Mores, music, and family too. It wouldn’t have mattered if there were a million presents under the tree or just one. For the past 14 years, through many ups and downs, this had always been a happy night.

“I guess since Mudgie got one of his, we can all open a gift now.” Ashley said.

“Just one.” Erin held up a finger. If she let them the kids would have a free for all in the middle of the living room. It never mattered how old they got; they were all seven again on Christmas.

“Me first!” Ted and Ashley shouted in unison. They both dove for the seven and a half foot tall Manitoba blue spruce.

“Actually, I’d like to go first if I may.” Deacon said. He was there with Nora for the second year in a row.

“Oh, I guess that’s cool.” Ted grabbed a gift anyway.

“Thanks.” The PhD student smiled. He pulled a box from his pocket, which made Nora gasp. Then she covered her mouth. She didn’t want to assume this was something that it wasn’t and embarrass herself in front of her family. “Nora, this is for you.”

“What is it?” she reached for the box with trembling fingers.

“Open it darling.” Joanna said. “We’re as curious as you are.”

She smiled and opened the box. Now she could really gasp. It was a diamond ring on a white gold band. Nora didn’t know nor care much about carats except she knew a rock when she saw one. Deacon wasn’t a rich man but it was so lovely and probably at least a carat.

“Oh my God, Deacon…”

“Nora, will you marry me?” he asked.

“Yes. Yes, of course I will.” She threw her arms around him.

“I'm thinking there's no way my gift can top this.” Spencer said.

Everyone laughed as Nora bounded up from her chair and over to her parents. Erin wrapped her arms around her daughter, pulling her into a hug.

“Look Mom, it’s the most beautiful thing ever.” Nora held out her hand and showed off the ring.

“It’s just lovely.” Erin smiled as she agreed.

“You did good, Deacon.” Dave said.

“Thank you so much, sir. I think I mostly know what Nora likes.”

“Well I more than like this.” She said. “I love it; it’s amazing. It’s so amazing.”

“I don’t want to take away anyone else’s thunder.” Deacon said. He held out his hand and Nora joined him again on the loveseat. “So we should probably start opening the gifts now.”

“I'm going to email my dad before I go to sleep tonight.”

“I'm not sure you'll be able to sleep tonight.” Joanna said.

“You might be right Nan.”

“Go ahead and open your gift Ted.” Erin laughed. “You look about ready to explode.”

“It’s from Nan so I know its going to be awesome.” Ted said. “20th year in a row…we have to keep the streak going.”

“I'm sure we have.” Joanna replied.

“Hey, mine is from Nan too.” Ashley said. “We should open them together.”

“OK, let’s do it on a three count. One, two, three; go!”

Paper started flying as they tore at the gifts. Ted let out a squeal and Ashley actually whooped for joy. It was a good thing Joanna was sitting down because they both rushed to hug her.

“Best gift ever, Nan!” Ted exclaimed.

“I love it!” Ashley hugged her tighter.

This year Ted received the first edition hardcover boxed set of all seven Harry Potter books. He was a huge Potter fan and anyone who talked to him for longer than 15 minutes knew that. Ashley’s gifts were books as well. They were all first editions of Ira Levin’s seven novels. She’d loved his writing ever since she was 10 years old and stole a copy of _The Boys from Brazil_ that Spencer had checked out of the library.

“You're both very welcome.” Joanna kissed their cheeks.

“I'm next!”

Spencer put on his most enthusiastic voice as he too dove under the Christmas tree. He was happy though Christmas wasn’t his favorite holiday; that was Halloween. It was always tough after seeing his mom. Brunch had been wonderful. There was a gift exchange and they caught up on what was happening in each other’s lives. 

Diana even spoke some with Ashley. She seemed surprised that her daughter was now a college junior and doing so well. She wasn’t as smart as Spencer of course but Diana seemed happy with Ashley’s successes. Now it was time for the traditions with his other family. The box he chose was thin and not too long; it was from Dave.

“This is wrapped quite nicely. Did you have it professionally done?”

“Busted.” Ashley mumbled as everyone laughed.

“Just open it, would you.” Dave said grinning.

Spencer tore the paper off and lifted the box top. Now his entire face was beaming. He pulled it out of the box, looking at Dave with fascination in his brown eyes.

“Oh wow, Uncle Dave; this is awesome!”

“I felt pretty good for knowing exactly what you wanted.”

“What is it, Spencer?” Nora asked.

“It’s a sonic screwdriver.” He held it up for everyone to see.

“Oh wow, now that’s a great gift.” Olivia smiled.

“I don’t get it.” Deacon said. “I didn’t know you liked tools, Spencer.”

“No, it’s…you don’t watch _Doctor Who_?” Spencer asked.

“I've heard of it but no, I don’t watch it.” Deacon shook his head.

“And I'm going to do my absolute best not to hold that against you. Thanks so much Uncle Dave.”

“You're welcome kid.” Dave was happy when Spencer came over to hug him. It wasn’t always easy, never really, to find good gifts for his nephew. Spencer had a variety of interests and he usually surrounded himself with the things he enjoyed. It wasn’t easy to add something to the mix. “By the way, that’s not exactly a toy. I have a friend, he's a genius too, and he made it.”

“What does it do?” Spencer asked.

“I think I’ll let you figure that out.”

“This is going to be a very fun week.” Spencer grinned.

“I guess I’ll go next.” Erin got up from the couch and went over to the tree. “I'm not sure anything for me under here can top what we’ve already seen.”

“Oh c'mon baby,” Dave said. “You never know.”

000

“I really like your family.” Olivia said as she and Ashley relaxed on the couch. It was nearly midnight and the living room was quiet. “I cannot believe that your parents got me gifts. That was so sweet of them; they don’t even know me.”

“Well they like you because I do. I can admit I didn’t know they were going to get you gifts.”

“This scarf is the best thing ever.” Olivia stroked it.

“You haven’t taken it off since you opened it.”

“I'm a total Ravenclaw. I know you're the one who told your parents that but it’s so awesome that they bought me this.”

“You're really adorable when you're gleeful.” Ashley kissed her.

“I am gleeful right now. How do you feel?”

“I feel OK.”

“Just OK?” Olivia looked at her.

“No, I feel good. I'm so glad to be home. I'm so glad you're here with me and that my family likes you. I'm super happy that Nan got me books for Christmas. I just want to take this next week and breathe. School was stressful this semester; I'm glad it’s over. See…do you see how much gladness I'm experiencing right now. It must be a record or something.”

“What about brunch with Diana? You haven’t talked about that much. And its totally OK if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t really.” Ashley shook her head. “She acknowledged my existence, remembered my name, and seemed to like the gift I bought for her. Other than that it was sitting for a couple of hours and listening to her and Spencer dissect Le Guin’s _Lavinia_. I’d describe it as my Intro to Literature class, with omelets. I'm no less traumatized than I was walking into it.”

“Do you want to talk some more about how awesome my scarf and your books are?” Olivia asked.

“Yes, lets.”

Ashley put her arm around her and they just relaxed on the couch. They would go to bed soon, waking up to a surely crazy Christmas. These moments all alone, in the quiet, were nice. It was why she came home in the first place. You couldn’t get this kind of peace anywhere else.

***

Dave crawled across the California king-sized bed wearing a tired smile when his wife opened her arms for him. Erin held him, kissing his forehead.

“All the gifts are under the tree. The alarms are set and the kids are snug in their beds. I tripled checked on Noah and he’s really asleep this time.”

“This is so much better than the year he insisted on sleeping with us.” Erin said.

“Amen to that. We’re gonna have a lot of fun putting together that Death Star.”

“Do I hear you actually contemplating time off?”

“I might make some changes for 2011. We both could probably stand to do that.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about because I'm perfect.”

Dave looked up at her as she laughed. Then he kissed her laughter. He liked it so much he did it twice. Erin caressed his face.

“You do have a few perfect tendencies.”

“Did Deacon ask you if he could propose to Nora?” Erin asked.

“He did.” Dave nodded. “I felt slightly uncomfortable. I'm not her father and Eli’s still around so…”

“Eli is never around.”

“I think you know what I mean. I approved; he's a good kid. I think he’ll make a good husband.”

“I can't believe Nora is engaged. I can't believe I didn’t do the really ugly cry.”

“Erin you don’t have an ugly cry.”

“I have a slightly ugly one that’s reserved mostly for sad parts in books and movies.” She replied.

“I think you're delirious from lack of sleep.” Dave said. “It’s been a long week.”

“And tomorrow will be like getting so high you can't breathe and then crashing to the ground.”

“There are more things I probably need to learn about you.”

“Oh haha.” She kissed him. “I think I know the perfect way to spend Sunday. We’ll curl up in bed with all five seasons of _McMillan and Wife_. That was one of the greatest gifts ever, by the way.”

“Do you think we could occupy every member of our family?” Dave asked.

“With the after Christmas sales at the Chevy Chase Mall, museums opening back up in the District, and a neverending pancake or French toast plate somewhere, the answer to that is yes.”

“So we’ll put the do not disturb sign up and sleep in. Then we’ll make love and I’ll make you brunch. After that we’ll have a hot bath before coming back to bed with Rock Hudson. Does that sound good?”

“That sounds perfect.” Erin smiled. “It’s after midnight now. Merry Christmas, David.”

“Merry Christmas love of mine. Lets get some sleep...morning is practically here. I can hear the pitter patter of Noah’s feet right now.”

“No gifts until 9am.”

“If that happens I’ll be surprised.”

“I can be hardcore; not to be crossed.”

“I do know that from experience.” Dave nodded. He kissed her nose and then held Erin close.

They got under the covers; Erin reached to turn out the lamp. It felt so good in Dave’s arms. Life had just been so busy lately. They worked too much and time moved so fast. Taking this time, slowing down some; that felt really good. 

Erin wasn’t sure she would be able to do much of this in the coming New Year. The only way to make change was to just jump in. She always gave her all to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. That was never an issue; Erin had been moving up the ranks since the day she graduated from the Academy. 

But she’d missed crucial things in her children’s lives and even her own. There had to be a way to juggle both. For years she thought she had been. The truth was that she wasn’t quite. 

Noah was her second chance to be the mother she knew she could be. Not that her children would ever complain about the woman who raised them. Wife, mother, FBI Agent; Erin wasn’t the only one who pulled it off everyday. She just wanted to do a little bit more…do a little better.

“If you need to fall I'm here to hold you.” Dave whispered.

“I'm OK. Are you OK?”

“I've got some thinking to do over the next couple of days.”

“What are you thinking about?” Erin asked.

“I'm going to write the novel. I just don’t know if I can write a novel, be an FBI Agent and a father all at the same time. One has been sacrificing more than the other two lately.”

“Well tomorrow you're going to be everyone’s favorite dad.”

“You make me into that person everyday, Erin. I love you.”

“I love you too. Go to sleep.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Don’t call me ma'am.” She laughed, kissing her husband one more time and closing her eyes. The worries could have her back on Monday, maybe; she had some kickass plans for the weekend.

***


End file.
